press and release. a gentle yet frustrated push. light pours in through the door crack.
a blur shadow appears in the mirror. " it's me. "
something gripped her heart, stuffed her lungs, and gouged out her soul.
it' s him.
" i just wanted to pass them this, it's something i got for them during the trip. there's a card inside, pass it to them will you? i just want to see them.."
" leave.. and wait for the call. you know they don't wish to see you.." takes over package, closes the door.
breathes. she resumes her gaze to the laptop, subconsiously ignoring the package dropped onto the seat next to her, heart racing.
5 minutes of akward silence went by.
" don't you wanna see it? he said there's a card inside to you guys." impatiently, she emptied the contents.
turkish tidbits, last minute aiport-bought keychains, turkish charm necklace.
" typical and insincere. " she muses to herself. picking up the card with a dog on the cover, she raises an eyebrow. the idea that it's from him fought back all her dog-loving nature.
squints her eyes at the wretched handwriting, scanning through the contents.
lies, insincerity, putting on a show, nothing new.
she places the card faced down on the bar table, turns around to head back to the sofa, too weary to read beyond the third line.
" wait. come back. did you read this part? " stopping dead in her tracks, she turns around, an escalating sense of foreboring swallows her.
slowly leaning forward, she peers into the card once more. magnifying each character written, creases formed between her brows.
"no.. impossible.. there's no way he could have found out. . who? who could have fed him with this information? her. no, he doesn't have her new contact number. damn.. he really bugged the house didn't he? what else does he know, what did he see... "
a series of thoughts raced through her mind. the house spun, the lights dimmed, she knew she was losing it. the knees gave way and she sinked to the ground, tears pouring down her face.
she randomly spotted something on the table that beckoned. eyes regaining focus, she stared at the little white box decorated with health warnings. damn all i need is one stick.
she sat down on the floor next to her, holding her while tears formed in her own eyes. momentarily, her attention left that white box.
he's back. he always comes back. why can't he just leave us alone, why does he have to disrupt the peace everytime i just settle down?
i fear what i see no end to. i fear
you.
12:24 am
Do you wannabe a superstar?
Sunday, August 27, 2006
and i almost forgot.
bloopers.
SCHOOL HAS ENDED.
Just as it had ended for my beloved W15N.
Here's the tribute to the party last wednesday, 23 Aug '06.. For one last time you will see all our retarded faces under one roof.
Don't wanna get too emotional here 'cos some of you probably had enough of the goodbye speech on OUR BLOG, but still I can't help but say, " I really miss you guys loads upon loads! "
There. I've said it. (sheds a tear or two reluctantly) Go out soon ok people? IM me for lunch, and to Xiang An, you better unblock all of us or else.... hahaha.
Seriously, I thought I'll not be that affected given my personality but then again I realised that 129 days really do mean quite a lot for 25 individuals who came together against all odds. ok thats all folks.
10:34 pm
Do you wannabe a superstar?
a singaporean thing?
I came to realise recently that, as much as our government trys to promote the acceptance of foreign talents and the profits of the China Market now (even more so in future), majority of Singaporeans still feel superior and look down on our fellow black hair black eyed mates from China.
What exactly do we deem ourselves superior for? Is it for our inability to speak or write proper english or chinese, our lack of exposure to the outside world, or our special national language that sounds totally alien and impossible to comprehend to the ears of an outsider?
We laugh at the accent of our mates who speak pure chinese, mock them behind their backs, and judge their nation based on our shallow and superficial views of their "dirty streets" that we assume have never been through change since the Mao era. Other than those of us who have been to the few main cities of China in recent years, none stands to testify against the claims about China being nothing but "dirty streets".
We Singaporeans seem to have become overly conceited with the success of our nation that all we do is huddle in one big bunch together and blindly put others down. While people in the states are plunging deep into Asia to learn our culture and language, we as Asians fail to master our own language properly and in some cases, are proud to proclaim their lousy command of their mother toungue.
Can we still hold our heads up high if we leave this place to venture into foreign lands, where neither english-speaking caucasians nor chinese-speaking mainlanders understand our alien language we call Singlish?
5:27 pm
Do you wannabe a superstar?
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
compliments to hopeisemo
Hope is SO gonna love this video:
enjoy (=
3:40 pm
Do you wannabe a superstar?
Monday, August 14, 2006
something significant
Time: Saturday night. Setting: Cineleisure. Characters: Roy, BJK, and I.
Against my sore-throat's fervent protests, we had freezing dinner in LJS (just the place for BJK ain't it Roy darling?), where we disovered the secret code to acquire 4 pieces of chicken in a 3 piece-meal.
When the Funny Looking Crew (FLC) served the 'Hot & Spicy 3 piece meal': BJK : Woah! The chicken look like birds! FLC: Well, yea it shrinked a little today, do you want one more? BJK (exchanging sly glances with me) : OK! (says brightly)
Human's greed in action again, but still I didn't manage to finish it because we choose a seat so damn cold that BJK's nipples were erecting (not that she's complaining) and my legs were shivering due to it's lack of cloth. Of course, darling Roy provided me his shirt so that I can cover my shivering legs. Also, I decided that Roy was really girlfriend material so he's my new Girlfriend (= Yes baby gimme a hug there ya'll? Anyway back to the main issue.
I know only so well that BJK had an urge coming on and so did I so we were comtemplating who the middle man and who the pimp should be. I didn't want to look too whore since I was wearing a mini-skirt, so i made BJK be the middleman and ask the maud pimp next to us. He wanted to give BJK his dick we ( Roy & I) swear.
Having got hold of the stuff we need, we began to hunt for a secluded place to test it out knowing too well that we would only bring about embarrassement to oursleves if we just did it right outside cineleisure.
Shall not blog about the whole damn process 'cos that's something special to us 3 who was there, but i have got to talk about this. We came to realisation that it was WAY overated but the amount of people doing it says otherwise so we don't really understand why.
More importantly, I realised why people always tell us to NEVER begin (at first I thought that was only in reference to the addiction issue), 'cos after the trying the first, you won't mind the second. So what happens when some retard offer one to you? You think to yourself, "Since I already did it so why NOT? "
So the question now lies here. Will there be a 2nd scene to this, BJK? 'Cos my premonition says more. Will you, BJK? Or rather, will we?
5:24 pm
Do you wannabe a superstar?
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
POP ART !
i'm so into doing this effect thing nowadays.
currently I think its rather pretty but I don't know for how long more, 'cos I'll probably realise it's ugly a few months down the road, and be obsessed with another kind of effect. BUT my mates say its nice so why bother for the time being. (=
YAY-ness!!
ok that's all folks. (=
12:32 am
Do you wannabe a superstar?
CWO continues.
here goes another.
COOL HUH?
but i have to admit it's rather shabby still, 'cos of my intelligent usage of a improper software for photo editing.
THRUDEPTHSOFFIRE.
12:12 am
Do you wannabe a superstar?
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
CWO
yeap.
Cam Whoring Org.
Basically that's what the 4 of us has been doing for the past few days, going around the campus looking for spots than take tonnes upon tonnes of photos. Band shots, bimbo shots, sleep shots...
Gotta give myself some credit for editing this photos using a shabby & shameful software :
yes i did this cover.
suggestive captions ;)
and stupid blogger wouldn't let me upload anymore so, next entry then.
11:50 pm
Do you wannabe a superstar?
Sunday, August 06, 2006
sense of a family
I just finished brunch, and while I was washing the dishes it suddenly dawned upon me that this is the first time I stepped into the kitchen to do clean up ever since my dad moved out last year.
In fact we stopped dining in altogether since his departure. Probably this was why I wanted to avoid my grandmama so much, because her stay with us brings back all that "family" feeling that I tried so hard to dodge for the past 1 year 2 months and counting. Although I didn't feel any emotional attachments nor any sad feelings, but it's just that I felt revelation.
Who knows? Maybe this was the very thing God wanted me to let go of slowly, thus sending my Grandmama over here out of the blue to help me conquer my fears, plunging deep into many aspects that I tried to hide from myself all these while.
I realised that, although this sounds cliche enough, but time really does heal, and that I may forgive, but I will never forget. 1 year plus has passed by; although I still hate it when I see pictures of my dad and I, or things related to him, but at least I know that inside me, I don't mind as much when we talk about him and sooner or later, I will not feel anything anymore.
Talking about family, I had a really nice time with Bella last night. We talked a lot, as usual, but yesterday we went more into serious topics and I had to say that it felt really good. B.J KOH (if you're reading this) : I wanna tell you I really appreciate your presence and, although we're down to only meeting once a week or so, I do think 'bout you whenever I'm too stressed to breathe or simply when something funny happened. I love the fact that there's nothing we can't talk about, and I don't feel ashamed telling you all my deep dark thoughts (you know what I'm talking about). Even more so, I love the fact that I have got you as my bestie in my life. Thank God for you, Thank You for you. (=
Anyway I was telling Bella that its high time I get myself a boyfriend, and Bella's proud of me that I don't jump blindly into a relationship although I do want to be in love. (= AND I'm proud of Bella for not sprouting nonsense when she's drunk. haahas.
I'm gonna prepare myself and head out now, so for the time being, That's All Folks. Go Offline, Get Drunk, Go Make out, Get Wild.
2:43 pm
Do you wannabe a superstar?
Thursday, August 03, 2006
snapping under stress
YES I KNOW.
Losers snap under stress but gotta admit that it's just human to snap. AND particularly, the human happened to be me today.
First bad thing that happened today? I met my least favourite couple AGAIN. Then I waited for my friend to fetch me at yishun, but he was late so in the end I missed the UT (test). Next? DAMN. They announced they friggin' team and GOD DAMN IT I was teamed with the All-15N-Rejects.
Am I supposed to be high about that? I just want to take a drag. The All-15N-Rejects is (drumrolls) : - Bibi ( domineering yet dumb female from India, cultural difference you say? I don't think that is an excuse for being stupid. ) - Thilina ( Bibi's lover, from Sri Lanka. ) - Nooh ( most carefree aka senile ) - Alicia ( let's just say she's a Pentium 1, i'm a Pentium 3. She's never on the same frequency.) - Yi Hao ( At least he is the only other member that I can communicate with. BUT he seem's a little half-brained today too. Not he's usual self. )
WHAT THE BANANA?! My god. Any sane being will know that this is definitely not people to associate me with but just to rub it in, my facilitator actually announced why she placed the teams this way.
" I purposely grouped you guys this way so that you work better. Like for those foriegn students, you guys can communicate easier, and I hope you guys can learn from each other as I group you people this way so that it is people similar to you, or something that links to you."
- jamie (entreprise facilitator)
GREAT!! Since when did I join the team-rejects? I don't see ANY link here. Its not like I speak Tamil, Sinhala, or Malay ya'll.
When we brainstorm or do worksheet, all I see is 5 expectant faces looking at me (well maybe not 5, since 1 senile guy is staring at his screen smiling). I give my idea, hoping to hear some re-butting to push the brainstorming process forward, but all I get back is nodding heads (or rather swaying for 2 particular members) saying, " Yes, I understand, is it (blahblahblah).. "
Guess what (blahblahblah) is? Bascially, it is everything I did NOT just say. Great! Brainstorming with Me, Myself & I. How far can I go? They think everything I say is supposed to be THE answer and it is supposed to be CORRECT. When the faci puts me down telling me its wrong? They stare, whisper. COM'ON! What did you guys who did not say anything expect from me? Please hear me cry God damn GOD DAMN!
But then again I already feel rather ashamed for letting June see me cry outside class and moments later I broke down and cried IN class. How unglam is that ya'll?! These bunch of people are the first to see me shed tears in RP, and I hope the record stays there.
Good Day to You, You and You. Tomorrow is SO gonna suck.
2:52 pm
Do you wannabe a superstar?
SUPERSTAR
Crystal Half A Drummer Diploma in Events Management(RP)
