Monday, June 25, 2007
other crib and <3
The unbelievable is happening.
5 days is all we've spent, yet it feels like we've known each other since forever.
You say I'm different, you feel different too.
Let's just hope you ARE.
And meanwhile, yes I kinda really like you. :)
OH and this is probably the end of missleespeaking.
More people know about this blog than necessary, and it's taking it's toll. People who I hope will visit this place don't and people who DO visit this place may not be people I want to have trespassing on my turf.
People my new crib goes here.
I'm going to miss this place though, but I figured it's time to hit the roads again.
Goodbye missleespeaking, you've been good while it lasted.
9:14 am
Do you wannabe a superstar?
Friday, June 22, 2007
An Old Favourite
which speaks quite a bit for me.
I thought I saw a man brought to life
He was warm, he came around
like he was dignified
He showed me what it was to cry
Well you couldn't be that man I adored
You don't seem to know,
don't seem to care
what your heart is for
But I don't know him anymore
There's nothing where he used to lie
My conversation has run dry
That's whats going on,
nothing's fine I'm torn
I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
You're a little late, I'm already torn
So I guess the fortune teller's right
Should have seen just what was there and not some holy light
To crawl beneath my veins and now
I don't care, I have no luck, I don't miss it all that much
There's just so many things that I can't touch, I'm torn
Torn.
I've a lot of faith, this is how I feel
I'm cold and I'm ashamed bound and broken on the floor
You're a little late, I'm already torn.
Again I have to say, maybe I just didn't know you well enough.
And yes you're right, I'm blind and stupid.
(look at who just shot himself in the foot)
Really, I'll never forget the day you walked out my door.
I should have realised everything ended at that exact moment you went through those gates.
No I didn't look at all.
I didn't have to, and even more say, didn't dare to.
I wanted to run after you,
scream for you to stay,
but I know you won't.
Situation was something you wouldn't want to face/handle. Anymore.
My world was spiraling,
and I was positive I'll never survive that night.
Then again I did survive, eventually.
After weeks of endless tears and falling sick, I did.
More than ever now, I will.
I don't need you anymore,
and I'll do much better without you.
Even if I die trying.
1:41 pm
Do you wannabe a superstar?
they're still ringing in my head
"Oh and if you're gonna drink and get drunk later on?
Tell me before hand, so that you I don't have to wake up 3 hours into my sleep and go all the way to town to fetch you home or save you from some random guy.
I CAN do it, but you know what, let's be considerate."
(Ouch)
it stings so bad my tears were falling as I was descending those escalators in the train station. your jacket felt increasingly heavy in my bag.
Just how do you manage to land me in this state all the time?
You make me want to waste myself away,
make me want to scream some truth in your face,
make me want to feel wanted,
make me wanna just break down and die in front of you.
And you know the biggest difference between us?
Let's put it this way.
If you have any means for me to know how you're doing, I will definitely check it.
You on the other hand, shun it so that you don't feel the sting.
10:42 am
Do you wannabe a superstar?
Thursday, June 21, 2007
deadly wants.
I'm getting increasingly asphyxiated.
(this loneliness is killing me.)
God, help me hold on to what I want.
(don't make me succumb to this emotion.)
I don't wanna slip away, not just yet.
'Cos miracles do happen sometimes.
I'll be waiting for you to come.
And Hongky, you're a lucky girl. Don't ever let go if you do get him.
9:37 am
Do you wannabe a superstar?
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
regretful moments.
Butter Factory was Plan B after not being able to get into MOS for Promiscuous on Wednesday.
(thanks to Sebas we were all stuck outside MOS)
It was fun, then again not so.
I owe you one there, boy.
Thanks for not killing me.12:54 am
Do you wannabe a superstar?
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
hello best friend
I really can't remember the last time we actually sat down and talked.
I read your blog and I realise
I'm clueless about your current happenings.
I don't understand those abstract phrases you make anymore.
I know you don't really need me around to be there for you as much as before but hey,
I really do miss you.
Don't wanna sound love sick but I miss you.
If not for the differences your girlfriend and I are having,
I really wouldn't mind going over to your house/school, just to spend some time with you.
(at times like this I regret having started off on the wrong foot with your girl)
Updating you and being updated,
and sharing comfortable silences.
Just like we did more than a month ago.
3:50 pm
Do you wannabe a superstar?
Monday, June 11, 2007
too much waiting lands you good stuff
so we went to some bloody underage party @ DXO on Thursday thanks to Nison and the rest of those who weren't able to get themselves into a proper place.
The wait was long cos the organisers of the party had monetary disputes with DXO management, and in the end we only got in at about 12.30am, after a raid (thank goodness).
nothing's changed.
I still dislike DXO,
I still hate underage partys.
but to hell with it, we still enjoyed ourselves cos we partyed with the organisers, and being with them means TONNES OF FREE DRINKS! Almost gone there. Almost.
Nison (without an alcohol tag) got drunk.
But the bouncer couldn't catch him in the act so he can't do anything. HAHAHA.
and Agnes, you were way too high after one just one shot honey.
look at Nison in that bottom right picture.
weird eyes and weird mouth with flying hands just mean one thing,
you've had too much for the night already. lol.
After the party ended, Mitchell decided we should head to bras basar for breakfast.
Along the way, fatigue and alcohol sank in and we chilled outside the raffles city cartel where we took crazy photos, and broke some stuff.
OK confession.
Mitcthell and I.
We were trying to sit on the tables outside cartel and with his weight down on the table as well, it decided to give way and "PRACK" followed by "OH SHIT" followed by non-stop giggling.
as for crazy photos:
and the following is one that made all of us fall to the ground laughing.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Mitchell's ass looks like a fucking balloon2:32 pm
Do you wannabe a superstar?
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
woah.
" Guess I won't be hearing from you anymore la.
Since I noticed you've even returned me some stuff that were meant to be gifts from me.
Ok. Have a great life.
Really."
Embrace yourself Crystal, for this time round it'll be for real.
I'll need more apathy,
more anesthesia.
I'll need more reminder.
Of how and why
I don't love you, like I did yesterday.
11:57 pm
Do you wannabe a superstar?
the 100th post
so cool.
so in the past few days days I've:
(in chronological order)
- met up with Caryn and Ryuta (loves! do that again soon aites.)
- crashed ah ban's place, spent the whole night playing a censored game and mahjong
- had a drink at No. 5 Bar with the mom <3
- sheesha + beer with Simonne, Ban, Mitchell, and Sean
- sheesha + beer with the loved loved Hongky(I LOVE YOU TOO BABY GIRL)
- Anberlin gig(that we didn't catch) at Home Club with Mitchell, Agnes, and her emo emo friends (no offence reuben!)
- went to the doctor to heal my injured nipple (trust me it felt super weird)
why do I feel like this is such a useless/dry/standard operation procedure kinda post?
2:21 am
Do you wannabe a superstar?
Friday, June 01, 2007
relationships, marriage, and skepticism
So you grew up knowing your grandma's marriage screwed up.
Then you witnessed the sacrifices made for a large family. Worth it or not.
Next thing you know, being filial is one thing that killed your uncle's 12 year relationship.
And just when you thought you're the only full and healthy household in the family, it had to screw up and go down the drain too.
You have a mom who values the relationship with her child very much and would rather treat you like an adult, telling you everything that's happening in the house, telling you all her thoughts/insecurities/suspicions.
your upbringing that made you severely skeptical tells you that no,
all men are the same, they all cheat.
just a matter of whether they come back after they do.
it engraved this mindset deeply in you that marriage is a big black coffin where everything will spiral downwards from there. it will reach a stage where nothing about yourself matters anymore and all that you center your life around is your kid.
just like my mom.
this is how i grew up.
stereotyping and posing certain frames were never correct but that was how I viewed love, viewed relationships.
You don't want to be lonely so you find yourself a man and when you've found THE ONE,
it's inevitable that you'll want to throw it all away, skepticism and all, and think that no, it's going to be different for the two of you and yes, you want to tie the knot.
2-5 years down the road you'll be cursing yourself at the stupidity you committed before marriage, passing it off as nothing more than a hangover mistake.
if you don't have kids yet, good for you.
divorce would be easier to handle.
if you do? good luck.
So tell me. What's the point in marriage?
If your ultimate goal in life is to have a family of your own, raise kids, fine by me. You have the end in mind. But if what if you don't?
What if you, like me, find it all a pointless game where neither wins but both gets injured, will you still jump into marriage?
So if you don't plan to even step near marriage, what if you meet the man that does?
Does this mean you should really just stop getting involved in serious relationships until you see the point in settling down or find someone just like you?
Teach me how not to be skeptical.
And to those who got hurt because of my insecurities and skepticism,
I'm sorry if I ever did malign you about who you're with and what you're doing,
or push you away thinking it's going to end up doomed anyway.
I'm a tough nut to crack if you really understand how I grew up
and the consequences it brought to me.
maybe all i need is someone patient and careful enough
to remove these stones around my heart bit by bit, one by one.
12:07 pm
Do you wannabe a superstar?
so much i want to say
but after staring at this box for 1 minute I decided that my brain makes up of this:
!!#$%^&*(O))(*&amp;^%$!@#$!@#$%^&*()_+{":>?"{}{_)(*&^%$#@#$%^!!
@#$%^&*(*&amp;^%$#$%^&*()(*&^%$#@)*)*&*(^$#@#$%^&{:<>?"{"?>"{}}"?"}|}{{_)(*&^%
@#$%^&*()(*&amp;^%$#@#$%^&*()_)}{:><>?"}|}{_)(*&^%$
oh and before I forget,
)(*&^%$#@@#$%^&amp;*()_{|}{:L<>?"{+_)(*&^%@#$%^&*()(*&^%$#@#$%^&*
somebirdie save me from me please.
and and and meanwhile, sort out my thoughts and put it into words for me.
10:55 am
Do you wannabe a superstar?
so we went to some bloody underage party @ DXO on Thursday thanks to Nison and the rest of those who weren't able to get themselves into a proper place.
look at Nison in that bottom right picture.
