Thursday, September 07, 2006
it's getting out of hand
Guilt-stricken, extremely.
and we know why
Seriously speaking, I was SO on the spur of it that it felt perfectly normal.
In fact I felt quite high.
Untill i saw him.
With her.
I've heard quite a bit of her, all good stuff.
Seeing her made me felt inferior enough, to make it worst still?
I was doing it when he saw me.
She, being such a nice girl and all nailed me thumbs down, i had to admit.
Inferiority issues? Certainly, most certainly.
It struck me real hard to see them together, catching me in the act.
I suddenly wondered if all this was worth it just for the sake of fulfilling some urge.
PLUS I had to risk the disappointment of a few particular people who don't turn away from me.
Right after I parted with Fizah, I couldn't bottle in my feelings anymore.
Shame, jealousy, inferiority, "screwed-up"ness.. All began to sink in.
I called BJK, panicking.
Over the phone she did not say much but I could hear it from her tone and her lack of response how she feels about it. And it made me feel terrible. Really terrible. I pissed her off thats for sure. Apart from that? I understood what was going on in her head, and it forced me to open my eyes to see my stupidity in this whole issue.
Not to mention that horrible label to bear.
I have to stop this, I MUST.
It's getting rather ridiculous.
Sorry.. To a few people out there who understands this post and feels pissed.
11:57 pm
Do you wannabe a superstar?
