Friday, March 30, 2007
YAY!
Seriously, 12 hours of not being able to reach you while you were on the job freaked me out.
I thought you were burnt/trapped or whatever dramatic and crazy things that happens to firemen. AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
BUT all that aside I'm still glad that you were mine from the point you knocked off yesterday till this moment you're still next to me as I'm blogging.
I love it that you're the last thing I see before I sleep and first thing I see when I wake up in the morning. (wriggles under your covers)
Stay the night, again?
Anyways I find it sweet how you're adapting to so many changes in your life at my expense. I really am touched by all the effort you put into this relationship like how you don't mind learning all this weird things with my family.
Really, I appreciate you for this.
LOVE YA. (although you look pretty constipated here.)
5:19 pm
Do you wannabe a superstar?
Monday, March 26, 2007
I really don't know
how long we'll be but for now, I love you. (and you're probably shocked I said it first)
For what happened this afternoon over lunch.
For making me spill tears of joy. (something that haven't done in a long time)For all the times you confirmed me and made me reconsider my insecurities.
For chasing me away from the station when you realised I was feeding mosquitoes.
For taking me by storm.
For making me feel nervous and child-like.
For being the more mature one instead.
For assuring me that I'm beautiful even when I feel not so.
For having the exact same concerns as me when we started out.
For being afraid that you might scare me off as the guy so much older.
(I was worried that I'm too young for you.)
For thinking that I was taking it casually when really, I thought you were the casual one instead.
For being brave enough to step up to the task.
For washing the dishes now.
For helping me find my way back into love.
10:19 pm
Do you wannabe a superstar?
Thursday, March 22, 2007
still these are my favourite lines.
" Look into my eyes and tell me you're not in love with me."
" I'm NOT in love with you."
"You just lied."
Shuffles feet, looks down on the floor.
"I'M your stranger. Jump!"
- lines from Closer (Julia Roberts & Jude Law)
2:12 pm
Do you wannabe a superstar?
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
bewilderment
My mom doesn't nag.
In fact she hardly tells me what to do with my life unless she sees I'm really screwing it up
(like now).
But just 2 hours ago after dinner we had a long chat (it's been a while since we did) and it's concerning how I should brace myself up and hold my head up high again. She can't stand what I'm doing to myself now and is rather shaken by my actions.
I mean I do know I'm not being myself for the past 9 months at least but if it reaches a stage when you feel humiliated to be told stuff like that by your mom, you'll know how bad it's gone.
My question here is:
Eddie, just what did you tell her?
(i'm puzzled)
Deleted.
10:37 pm
Do you wannabe a superstar?
Sunday, March 18, 2007
how fucking slow can I be.
I just realised how much drama you and your girlfriend has been putting on the blogs for the past 3 days. Damn and I had to hear it from someone else. People who asked me, "Just what did you say over the phone?"
Seriously if you felt that way, don't say "It's ok la" or "Nothing la" when I ask you about it. Just fucking tell me how it has been between you two!
How many years, how many tears have I shed at your expense? And now you rather just express everything on the damn bloody blog publicising it. If all that you said helped you 2 stop quarrelling, congrats. But I never said I was ready to be sacrificed like this. Not by YOU of all people who'll do such things at least.
Thanks for not even trying to defend me in front of her, seriously I think your messed up. With all that she said about me I think all you did was laugh, didn't you? Thank you my love.
(to your girlfriend) PLEASE GET THIS RIGHT. If you wanna continue doing your bitchy shit and be so fucking domineering then fine. You're making the person I'm talking about here lose all the friends. Get this, you don't like me but we all fucking hate you. You seemed to have done nothing but bring out the worst in our best friend.
(to you) Maybe even 10 years don't count once you acquired your girl. She seemed to have taken your life away. Leave her and she'll be a happy feather again? Fine if that's what you want. I have never liked her, EVERY SINGLE THING I DID AROUND HER (including painfully talking to her) WAS JUST SO THAT YOU DON'T FEEL SO BAD THAT WE'RE ON BLOODY BAD TERMS. If you're thinking I'm making a mountain out of a molehill, think again honey. I think your girl just made a tsunami out of a teardrop. I'll leave you too for the time being, until you stop being the less senseless person you've become. Don't worry cos although she is doing it, you aren't losing anyone of us yet until you push us away. We're here waiting for you to come back rationale again. I'm sorry if this post does more damage than innocently picking up a phone call.
Have fun in australia.
(and I really can't believe how mean she was.)
9:43 pm
Do you wannabe a superstar?
Friday, March 16, 2007
If you seriously think
that all your sacarstic remarks in the past few days can hurt me, you're wrong. It doesn't anymore.
(In fact it only makes me disgusted at how low you can get.)
Why did I even think I was falling for you already?
Seriously, all those accusations you had against me?
Well I really thought you knew better about my character. Seems like you don't.
You never took time to understand me or whatever I'm doing.
All you took note of was the stuff on the surface, but never my motives.
(Even if they were to protect you.)
I didn't want to hurt you from the start but you kept hurting the both of us instead.
If you seriously think I'm so shallow as to use such a childish way to hurt you, I guess you're the one who's childish enough to be even making such assumptions.
You and your revengeful heart caused you think that everyone is just like you.
I thought you were better than this.
11:43 am
Do you wannabe a superstar?
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
and how do i forget him?
People who fall out of love always ask this question.
"How do I forget him? I really want to but don't know how."
If you can't forget him, then don't.
Why struggle in pain and try so hard to forget someone? Time will help you with this wretched task.
Ok now let's say I tell you NOT to think of a pink elephant.
What did you think of?
Naturally the first thing you think of will be a pink elephant.
The harder you try to forget, the more you won't be able to.
Still love him/can't forget him, it's all part of the package you so willingly signed in the beginning so there's no need to be feeling guilty about it.
Some people obviously can't forget, but lie to themselves and others saying,
" I've forgotten him. "
Yet, when others bring him up, she starts losing control over her tear glands.
One day you will forget him.
Real obliteration of memories don't require hard work.
One day when you walk out of the shower, turn on your ipod, and with some random song it will dawn upon you out of the blue that you used to be in love, ah hah, you used to love him. You will find that this seems to be such a faraway memory, and that you don't even have the slightest emotional attachement to it anymore. This is forget.
One day when someone talks about this person and all of a sudden you remember that you used to love this person, but now you can't remember it. This is forget.
6:53 pm
Do you wannabe a superstar?
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Painful Poet
2 days ago I received the cheesiest (haha!) sms yet seen.
Where were you, my flower,
while I pined painfully for your attention.
Dinner took you away from me..
Glorious food took my Crystal away from me..
HAHAHAHAHA.
The hidden poetic qualities beneath a guy who sprays water for a living. (no offence hun ;p)
Good day people.
6:33 pm
Do you wannabe a superstar?
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
No More Back And Forth
Dear -,
I take back everything I've said in the previous post. You were an asshole and went way over yesterday. Congrats to you, we're over. You wanted to hear it from me, now you are.
LEAVE ME.
I mean it. No more emotional attachments 'cos it's all washed away with every single word you say, things you did yesterday. As I said, remember that this time round I didn't choose to leave. You made me do it.
This is for you:
You take my hand, and you say you've changed
But boy you know your beggin don't fool me
Because to you it's just a game
(You know it's just too little too late)
So let me on down
Cause time has made me strong
I'm starting to move on
I'm gonna say this now
Your chance has come and gone
I gave you everything but it wasn't enough
And now you wanna communicate
(You know it's just too little too late)
Go find someone else
In lettin you go, I'm lovin myself
You gotta problem
But don't come askin me for help
Cause ya know
It's just too little too late
A little too wrong
And I can't wait
Boy you know all the right things to say
(You know it's just too little too late)
Grow up and be strong now. Move on, I know you can.
12:29 pm
Do you wannabe a superstar?
Monday, March 05, 2007
i don't know what to name this post
Dear -,
Seriously your reaction came unexpected.
I did not even foresee it while blogging that post. I'm sorry you felt that way but don't you see it? It was something we brought upon ourselves.
The "if only's" in our relationship are:
- if only i was more firm about not feeling for you.
- if only you gave up and left.
- if only we stopped getting along so well.
- if only i didn't care so much about your feelings and went ahead with leaving you.
- if only i didn't hold so much reservations.
- if only we didn't get so physically involved.
Seriously, if this IS the end I so dreaded, there'll be pretty much a lot of places where I'll stop going to for some time because it's probably littered with traces of us being there once. Even the most innocent bus rides will be hard to bear alone I think. This is, surprisingly, devastation on my end although it is something i choose.
Do I have to make you hate me to leave me?
7:18 pm
Do you wannabe a superstar?
Sunday, March 04, 2007
The Oldest Debate
No it's not chicken first or egg first but rather, it's being loved happier than loving someone?
"Find someone who loves you more than you love him and you'll be happy."
I'm sure this sounds familiar.
But is it really so?
If you don't love that person, why would you feel happy to be loved by him? Unless of course you have reached nirvana, the stage where you no longer expect anything of relationships except to have someone who treats you right and does all your biddings.
To love and being loved is the same amount of agony.
To be loved by someone you don't love, is agonising. You don't love him, yet, the one you love doesn't repay your love either, so your only option is to stay next to this someone you don't love. He will do anything for you, and you can even scold him, hit him.
Better yet you can proudly tell him, "I don't love you!" When you want to cry, you can loan his arms to jump into. When you need some compliments, he will shower you with it.
Depressed, you ask him, "Why do you have to treat me this good?"
He has no reply either.
At this moment do you feel happy? Or rather, affliction?
To be loved by someone you don't love, well initially you may feel a little proud but as the days go by, you began to fear that he will be all you can ever have. Aren't you worthy of finding someone you love? But why did fate decided to send him to you? He's nice, but the nicer he is to you, the unhappier you'll be. You want him to leave, yet you fear his departure.
All you can do is to decieve yourself: To be loved is happier than to love.
6:20 pm
Do you wannabe a superstar?
