Friday, June 01, 2007
relationships, marriage, and skepticism
So you grew up knowing your grandma's marriage screwed up.
Then you witnessed the sacrifices made for a large family. Worth it or not.
Next thing you know, being filial is one thing that killed your uncle's 12 year relationship.
And just when you thought you're the only full and healthy household in the family, it had to screw up and go down the drain too.
You have a mom who values the relationship with her child very much and would rather treat you like an adult, telling you everything that's happening in the house, telling you all her thoughts/insecurities/suspicions.
your upbringing that made you severely skeptical tells you that no,
all men are the same, they all cheat.
just a matter of whether they come back after they do.
it engraved this mindset deeply in you that marriage is a big black coffin where everything will spiral downwards from there. it will reach a stage where nothing about yourself matters anymore and all that you center your life around is your kid.
just like my mom.
this is how i grew up.
stereotyping and posing certain frames were never correct but that was how I viewed love, viewed relationships.
You don't want to be lonely so you find yourself a man and when you've found THE ONE,
it's inevitable that you'll want to throw it all away, skepticism and all, and think that no, it's going to be different for the two of you and yes, you want to tie the knot.
2-5 years down the road you'll be cursing yourself at the stupidity you committed before marriage, passing it off as nothing more than a hangover mistake.
if you don't have kids yet, good for you.
divorce would be easier to handle.
if you do? good luck.
So tell me. What's the point in marriage?
If your ultimate goal in life is to have a family of your own, raise kids, fine by me. You have the end in mind. But if what if you don't?
What if you, like me, find it all a pointless game where neither wins but both gets injured, will you still jump into marriage?
So if you don't plan to even step near marriage, what if you meet the man that does?
Does this mean you should really just stop getting involved in serious relationships until you see the point in settling down or find someone just like you?
Teach me how not to be skeptical.
And to those who got hurt because of my insecurities and skepticism,
I'm sorry if I ever did malign you about who you're with and what you're doing,
or push you away thinking it's going to end up doomed anyway.
I'm a tough nut to crack if you really understand how I grew up
and the consequences it brought to me.
maybe all i need is someone patient and careful enough
to remove these stones around my heart bit by bit, one by one.
12:07 pm
Do you wannabe a superstar?
